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Sleep

a tsetse fly
drinks its next meal

amazing shrieks
the sun, newborn crying,
is sky ilk

under
a maze of feathery canopy;
the Bandundu forest,
gives birth to a
litter of bananas-

grass covered savannahs,
stubborn windblown maize
yearningly sways
to the river, where

water walking fish farmer
casts a drowsy eye
on a school of tilapia
playing in his bamboo den;

a kihuta viper opens
its razor mouth
and belly,
fresh meat
wafting through
endless horizon;

while decadent sockets,
hanging by swollen neck,
sway
as he is carried to the garden.

Burial grounds
burn slowly
like an old antelope
pulses, waiting to slip
into its last coma,

palm stem walls blanketing
the mind's catacombs
while your planted carcass watches
a tsetse fly
drink its next meal.

 
I wrote this around the time I wrote my previous submission and put the " finishing touches" on it today. I am pretty happy with this piece, though I know the path to perfection is a never ending one, just as in all my poems.

As I have said before, most of my poetry is based on true stories. But more than that, my short term goal in my poems is to thrust the reader into another world, one that a painting or sculpture could never capture. Enjoy :)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2005-01-24
Sleep by `wernstrum

Call this filmic, a piece that journeys you through a jungle and makes you see jungle life in a number of spectacles though it never loses its focus on what it came to say in the first place. To me sleep is a high level of focus, especially in the dream state of it, then it’s great to see how all comes to one. ( Suggested by groovus and Featured by ndifference )

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconla-dolly-vita:
La-Dolly-Vita Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2008
:clap: Great work, congrats on the DD :deviation:
Reply
:iconhallowedgrounds:
HallowedGrounds Featured By Owner May 29, 2007  Student General Artist
You've succeeded in creating that other place. I love fiction, so when something that is non-fiction can carry me into it equally well, I'm very impressed. Beautiful, really... but funny because it is about something that might not necessarily be described as beautiful. Ha... okay, done writing my short novel.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2007
I'm glad you enjoyed, and apologize for the lateness of my reply
Reply
:iconflorapudelkova:
florapudelkova Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005  Hobbyist Photographer
looks great, stylish and modern :shamrock:
Reply
:iconxtremez:
xtremez Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
Werny baby..........congrats on the daily dev mon, nice read/write job, sweet pic...................drop me a line!
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner May 4, 2005
hey mate, sorry for the lkate reply. I don't go on this thing much these days. Thanks for you neverending support matey. I really, sincerely, appreciate it. :D
Reply
:icontyhopho:
tyhopho Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005  Hobbyist Photographer
eek - the picture nearly put me completely off - that yellow ...

fortunately i realised it s a poem - and what a poem! strong discordant word images which really capture something of the energy and vitality, the death and renewal of the wild lands of africa

good job
Reply
:iconastigmatic:
astigmatic Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
+this is tongue gymnastics. it really gave me a kynesthetic pleasure as i read/ thought every word, feeling the shape of the words in my mouth and... it is fun. " ...is sky ilk / under / a maze of feathery canopy", "...grass covered savannahs, / stubborn windblown maize / yearningly sways..." it's the way the words feel when said, even when thought of, that brings the first enjoyment here. neat loop with the tse-tse fly, as the cycle unfolds with rich rythm and images that gain from the correct use of names and terms. the Nature here does not appear stilted or forced in any way: the way you speak about it is self-confident and real. you succeed, then, in the brief creation of this passage to that other world. congrats for the DD.+
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2005
Thank you for the heartfelt and well composed comment. Much appreciated.
Reply
:iconastigmatic:
astigmatic Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2005
+my pleasure :)+
Reply
:iconthesp00n:
TheSp00n Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005   Writer
thats great, captures the dream idea brilliantly :)

:+fav:
Reply
:icondevilishpheonix:
devilishpheonix Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
the pic is simple great
Reply
:iconclements:
clements Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
It's a poem.
Reply
:iconred-snow:
red-snow Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
very beautiful landscape ...but i don't like ....the yellow-thing, sorry :|

the poem is ...touching :)
Reply
:iconheylove:
heylove Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
I really like this! But I think it would be better without the text. Nice piece none the less.
Reply
:iconokcomputer6:
OkComputer6 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
looks like an album cover i like this one!
Reply
:iconxiloveyouxx:
xiloveyouxx Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005   Photographer
I really love this work, both the photo and the poem. The poem seems extremely well developed and I think what I like most about it is the one word lines, "under" and "sway" because they make you stop and picture what you're trying to express. The photograph is also very nice work; I love the way it looks like if you stared at it for long enough, it just might start moving.
:star::star::star: amazing.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2005
thank you very much for the sincere comment (sorry bout the late reply)
Reply
:iconcalmamericans:
calmamericans Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
love the photo.
Reply
:iconjezzart:
jezzART Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
What a rich "dictionary":) Amazing words indeed. For this originality it is surely worth to be exposed as a daily. My congratulations!!!
Reply
:iconxxmysilentscreamsxx:
XxMySilentScreamsxX Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005   Interface Designer
It's amazingly beautiful
Reply
:iconxxxgrimsmilexxx:
XxXgrimsmileXxX Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
thats quite good
Reply
:iconseongjun:
seongjun Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
Truly this is the best picture that I've seen im... speechless
Reply
:iconlightlite:
lightlite Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
duuuuuuuuuuudddddeeeeee
nice pome
very nice pome
i like thy style
Reply
:iconevilmacca:
evilmacca Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2004
i must coment you on your expert use of a circular plot, it gave a wonderfully complete feeling to the piece. the way that you use the names of local animals and plants is also effective, it makes the reader feel more attached and distanced from their own surroundings. overal an extremly good piece, i think i shall go check out your gallery.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2004
thanx. glad u liked
Reply
:iconm4ck:
m4ck Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
hermoso :nod:
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2004
?
Reply
:iconm4ck:
m4ck Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
translation =

beautiful :nod:
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2004
ahhh thanx. what language
Reply
:iconmaxine:
maxine Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
*poking nose in* (my favourite hobby)
Spanish, or by the look of the guy's sig, Mexican :)
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2005
thanks maxine!!!
:D
Reply
:iconslowpulseboy:
SlowPulseBoy Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2004
i really love this one...great imagery and great way of putting thoughts together.
this poem forced me to become ONE,unite my soul with the landscape s soul.i became a part of the image and felt warm and special inside it...well done!
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2004
thanx :)
Reply
:iconbleedingpairs:
bleedingpairs Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2004
This is an amazing piece of work. I have nothing else to say.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004
thank you so very much! :)
Reply
:iconnuova:
Nuova Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2004
Each component of the setting has such a well-defined personality--done with only a word or two. the "stubborn windblown maize" is my favorite, i think. I also like how you've paralleled death to sleep--the viper, the tsetse fly. The antelope going into a "coma" is very clever. You've really shown me--and your other readers, I'm sure--that in some locales, sleep can equal death.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2004
thanx for the lovely comment. Im glad u liked the poem :)
Reply
:iconnuova:
Nuova Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2004
You're welcome. You deserve it (obviously)! Congratulations. ^_^
Reply
:iconkernos:
kernos Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2004
very nice. the images are beautiful. your voice stands out quite a bit as well.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004
thanx :)
Reply
:iconjustb:
justb Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2004   Writer
I thought of freshness, life, teeming overtop of itself, while the words surged I saw on the horizon a spec of dust settle and change the course of direction of a hundred galloping zebra herd.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004
thanks for the reflective comment :) love those ;)
Reply
:iconceylara:
ceylara Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2004
Entracing, a focused yet vivid picture

the Bandundu forest,
gives birth to a
litter of bananas-

Who woulda thought. The use of language and the exotic both transports you to a new place and forces to look at yourself in a way.

excellent.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004
thank you very much :w00t:
Reply
:icontmpst24myst:
tmpst24myst Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2003  Student Writer
I did enjoy this.
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2003
thanx :)
Reply
:iconinennui:
inennui Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2003
last line drink = drinks?
Reply
:iconmaxine:
maxine Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
hmm... replying to sig, so offtopic but just occurred to me you could use the word 'perhaps' instead of one of those 'probably's to save repeating yourself. :shrug:
sticking my nose into places it doesn't really belong is my hobby :)
Reply
:iconwernstrum:
wernstrum Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2003
nup.
last line drink = drink
Reply
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Submitted on
October 19, 2003
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